Al Sharpton on the Situation on Beirut

When asked about his opinion of the Beirut situation, Al Sharpton replied "Hank Aaron was a much better home run hitter."

Mitt Romney on Cinco de Mayo

Las Vegas Comedian Tom Ficara reports that Mitt Romney endorses Cinco de Mayo. When asked, Mitt said, "Of course I like Mayo....I like Jello too. Not together, of course."

Suddenly Single?

If you are a man who finds himself, after years of committed 'bliss', all alone for the first time in a long time, here are some hints at what NOT to do!

1. Don't try to boil you eggs in a microwave (DO NOT try this at home).
2. If you're back from a hard workout on a hot day, do not chug the prune juice to cool off.
3. If your oven light is on all of the time because that little button is broken, do not try to extinguish it by sticking a screwdriver in the hole.
4. Never try to scrape the edges of the blender while it is still on.
5. Don't fry bacon naked.

Let us know any other suggestions that should go on this list.....

Words You Don't Want in Your Obituary

There's plenty of obvious words you'd never want in your obituary. Severed is not a word you'd want in your obituary. Sudden doesn't sound good, either. Chunks wouldn't be good. You get the idea....the Wall is yours!

Everyone's a Comedian!

Or so they think! That's why we at 1000 Jokes Magazine have set up the wall of comedy. We'll come up with the subject......you give it your best. All we ask is that it be FUNNY!!!!!